I want to dissolve into the air,
The thin, sweet air.
Where I wouldn’t be visible,
Where I wouldn’t be expected to be anything.
Above the clouds,
Where I wouldn’t see anything,
Or hear anything!
As if I’ve never existed before.
Just air!
Nothing less, nothing more!
This is a kind of exhaustion that I hate most. It’s not a kind of exhaustion sleep could fix. It’s not a kind of exhaustion food would fix either. It’s like the exhaustion is injected to every part of my body and I can feel my whole body burning out of extreme tiredness.
And no matter how many words of comfort and ‘I’m proud of you’ statements people will offer to me just to make me believe that I am doing good, my head will refuse to accept the praises and acknowledgements. All my ears could listen to is how much drained I am, how every muscle in my body is in fatigue.
I can’t even bring myself closer to my whole being. I am not on my “me” time; it’s just that my brain can’t take other things, and I want a total silence – utter silence! I am not really sure if my brain would help me with that, I mean with the utter silence. But you know, I hope it will give me the peace I want to, just to get out of my exhaustion.
All I know is this; my soul want to escape from my whole body, just to find itself wherever that’s! What can I say? Good luck my soul and find your rest!!
‘What is the worst feeling you’ve ever had?’my friend asked. I took a pause. I thought about it for a little while, of course. Let’s face it, our worst feelings are innumerable. And ofcourse, it’s hard to choose one.
‘Off the top of my head missing the people you’re actually mad at!” I said.
I think that’s appropriate, for now perhaps. Those people who hurt you the most are the ones who were closest to you once! And despite what they did to make you mad, you can’t just undo all the things you have passed through together. You obviously can’t forget them. Your spots, activities, things that used to be ‘yours only’ and even the silliest things will be a constant reminder.
That’s just painful. The sad part though, you can’t just cut them off! May be you can avoid them or keep your distance physically. But I don’t think it’s possible to get rid of them from your heart and mind. Absolutely not.
So yeah, that’s the worst feeling ever. You want to let them go, but you actually can’t. You want them to be erased from your memory, but that’s not possible either. All you can do is trying to cherish all those amazing moments you had with them!
And I saw in her[my friend’s] eyes, the same agony. And we just sat there wondering in our world. I think that’s the worst for most of us!
Eventually or suddenly, perhaps
Everyone leaves.
All the people,
Close or distant,
Being awaken with realization,
A little or a longer while,
Will reach that point and definitely will leave- No thinking twice
No flinching – no blinking
They would leave for sure,
And I’ll be all alone.
All over again!
All by myself with no interruption.
Pain is not a visitor.
It fixes itself to the roots of your existence.
It won’t go away when you unplug it.
It’s firm, solid and heavy.
You can’t lift it.
You can’t move it.
You can’t replace it.
It’s a constant.
So whenever it knocks at your door,
Don’t let it in.
Push it back as far as possible.
May be that could work.
May be, just may be-
You can avoid it’s company.
Good luck!
Unabridged Manuscripts 