My Haunted Mansion!

There’s this scary building.
It looks haunted!
It’s too dark.
Too many cracked walls,
Faded paints,
Broken windows and doors.
I can guess how ancient it’s,
From my vintage point.

It says it’s a storage room-
For my own thoughts, emotions, fears and issues.
I think I should go in.
I wanted it to be abandoned.
I thought that would destroy it.
But, it’s flourishing.
Few blocks are added, even
After the last time I saw it.

So, what do I do now?
Should I just go in?
But I don’t want to.
It’s really frightening.
Besides, I’m too weak-
Even to stand.
I think crawling is all I’ve,
Even if I want to!
That seems exhausting.
The thought of it is even exhausting.

They say face your fears-
Issues and weirdest thoughts.
But, here I’m standing-
In front of it.
And yet, I couldn’t.
My fear is stronger,
My emotions are way heavier.
Even the thought of it,
Is crippling me, even more!

What’s the point of entering then?
How do I enter?
Who is gonna push me further?
I’m in pieces now-
Which fragment of me can handle that?
What if it destroys the remnant of me?
Forever?!
How do I recover from that?
I honestly don’t know.

Do I really have to do that?
I hope not!!

March 30, 2021 0

Any Other Way?

Everyone is hurting.
Some are bleeding,
Some are covered with wounds.
Or bruised – deeply bruised.
The rest are full of scars.
May be a visible, an actual scar-
Or a mental and emotional perhaps.
The point – we all are hurting!
I think that unites all of us-
Our own brokenness!
We all are broken-
In our own way,
In our own scale.

And there’s an assumption-
Or fact, possibly.
Talking about your problem,
Not just talking actually,
Pouring your heart out,
Knowing the depth of your wound,
Opening up the covered wounds,
Make them bleed a little or so.
Peeking beneath the wounds,
Looking throughly the scars,
Just to make sure if there are unhealed parts.
That would actually fix the problem, they say.
For the healing to come-
Reopening the wound is the first step.
It’s one of the many steps to cure our brokenness!

Here’s my argument though,
Is there any other way?
Any other way out to find closure-
Without actually reopening the wound?
Any way that doesn’t involve talkin’?
Or without knowing the depth of the pain.
A different approach-
To deal with your bruises?
Can’t we give it a name without goin through it?
All over again!
Now, I’m begging,
More than arguing.
Would you please find a way?
For us not to go through that again?
Can you just suck the pain out?
I really hope you could!

Inspired by ;

"I want to talk about what happened without mentioning how much it hurt. There has to be a way. To care for the wounds without reopening them. To name the pain without inviting it back into me."
 
 — Lora Mathis, If There's A Way Out I'll Take It

March 28, 2021 0

An Ocean of Sorrow

I found an ocean-
A peaceful ocean called sorrow.
And I’m drowning,
Drowning into it!
I don’t know if the gravity is pulling me down,
Or if I just let the ocean sucking me into it.
But I’m drowning,
Along with my tears,
Into the bottom of the abyss!

March 24, 2021 0

Oh My Despair!

Why do you keep following me?
Why can’t you give me a break?
Can you just stop speaking-
Stomping and squeaking on my heart?
Would you stop whispering?
To the depth of my soul?
Are you planning to spare me for a repair?
I bet it is your desire,
To bury me alive.

Are you my shadow?
Is that why you keep following me?
And for some reason, it feels that way.
I can’t touch you,
Or hear you.
But I can see you-
Behind my back ,
Waiting for devouring my whole self!

Here’s the weird thing though-
For you to be a shadow,
Light is supposed to be there, right?
Ofcourse, not a full bright light,
May be a spark of light, perhaps.
Is that the case?

Oh my Despair!
Can you just talk?
A word can do.
Can you tell me what you’re?
Or who you’re?
Can you do me a favor?
Stop haunting me like a ghost,
And reveal yourself to me.
I honestly don’t know what I would do, then.
But you know- curiosity.
Whoever/whatever you’re,
Can I know where you are?
Oh my Despair!!

And, do you mind?
Just leave me alone!
Atleast for a while.
I’m not asking,
I’m rather begging!
Just give me a break,
A day perhaps!

Dedicated to all of us who are in despair!!

March 21, 2021 0

Are You Okay, Today?

Are you okay, today?
Have you been okay in a long while?
Nah, don’t tell me that!
I’m not asking about-
Yesterday or last week or month.
I’m asking you about today,
Are you okay?

It’s always easy-
Simple to talk about what you’ve gone through before
It feels nice to say I struggled,
Rather than I’m struggling.
It’s easy to feed our ego-
That we ain’t losers.
Rather we are fighters.
But, here’s my question-
Are you okay?
Are you good now?
What are the fights you’re losin’?
What are the battlefields you’re failing at?
What are the things-
That are draining you out?
Sucking every piece of life out of you?
What’s that one thing-
That encircles your mind?
Attacking your thought system?
Aching your heart?

If you’re wonderin’
Why I’m asking all these,
It’s all because I want you to know,
Here I’m-
Fighting to take the next breath,
Questioning my entire existence.
And here’s my honest answer-
For my own question.
I am so not okay!
It’s been a long while since I was okay.
And I’m not okay today either.

I know it takes everything inside of you-
To declare that outloud,
To say that you’re weak,
To admit that you’re losin’
But just know that you’re not alone!
I bet so many people are not,
I think they mastered the art of pretending, perhaps!

It’s easy to talk about old days, right?
About your past?
How you were strong back then?
But, let me break it to you-
It’s already in the past.
Today is a new day,
New challenge, new struggle!
And today matters!
All the feelings you’re feeling ,
Right now, at this moment,
They matter!
You don’t need validation from others!
It’s your thought,
It’s your feeling.
That’s all that matters.
And I hope you get the courage,
To say that you’re not okay!
Outloud, at least to someone.

And remember,
It’s okay not to be okay.
It’s fine to feel weak.
It’s fine to lose all the optimism.
It’s okay to fight.
It’s okay to struggle.
Try to hang in there!

March 20, 2021 0

The Great Abyss

I’m on the floor of dark ocean!
The darkest and the lowest.
The great abyss!
I don’t know if there’s more-
More to the darkness,
More to the drownin’
More to the pain.
I don’t even know how I got here.
I’m not a swimmer-
But here I am in the deepest water.
Did I throw myself?
Did the ocean devour me?
But I know nature loves me-
Is that why he took me away?

It doesn’t matter though, does it?
The reality is I’m already here!
Not there!
What’s next then?
Do I swim?
Wait, should I learn to swim in here?
Or should I just sit?
It hasn’t killed me yet,
So should I give it a moment?
To take away my breath?
Should I rather try to find light?
But how?

Everything is dark.
Nothing is there!
Emptiness is the ruler!
You’re probably wonderin’
It must be quiter then,
Believe me it’s not!
I can hear the void screaming-
Shouting out loud!
How am I supposed to search for light when the darkness is hovering?
Can I avoid the abyss from absorbing me?
Can I really do that?

I wish for a hand to appear?!
Or someone to throw me a flashlight-
May be an anchor,
For me to hold on-
Something to grab on.
But, not later- sooner,
Sooner would be better.
May be, just may be-
The fragment of me could become survivor!

P.S. my fellow friends who are in the great abyss, try to hang in there!! Best of luck✌

March 17, 2021 0

How much more…?

How much more breaking do I have to do until my heart numbs itself? I am sick of this routine- my chest sewing itself just to be ripped apart once more. I wish I can leave it be an open wound for the flies. But, the pain of open wound is unbearable. So, I’ll try to stitch it with whatever I got inside of me. Because leaving your wound open won’t heal itself anyway.

Even after sewing the torn pieces of your heart, it will always remain to be a soft spot. A sore spot which cannot handle another tiny blow even. How much more do you think you can handle? How much more can you actually endure and act bravely?

How many more wounds are there until there’s no healing scar left to tear? I am sick of this routine. Tonight, I wish my heart would just tear itself into a handful of be numbed pieces. And tomorrow would stare at me- an aftermath of a storm. A heaving curiosity. A girl, lying in pieces and with no heart left to break.

That way, I won’t have to gather up the torn pieces once again. I am not supposed to sew it all over again. No more sore spot. Nothing more!

March 13, 2021 0