Eventually or suddenly, perhaps
Everyone leaves.
All the people,
Close or distant,
Being awaken with realization,
A little or a longer while,
Will reach that point and definitely will leave- No thinking twice
No flinching – no blinking
They would leave for sure,
And I’ll be all alone.
All over again!
All by myself with no interruption.
Pain is not a visitor.
It fixes itself to the roots of your existence.
It won’t go away when you unplug it.
It’s firm, solid and heavy.
You can’t lift it.
You can’t move it.
You can’t replace it.
It’s a constant.
So whenever it knocks at your door,
Don’t let it in.
Push it back as far as possible.
May be that could work.
May be, just may be-
You can avoid it’s company.
Good luck!
If I could fall for a voice,
I would definitely fall for a white noise.
The soft, soothing sound of the rain.
Whether it’s a drizzle,
Or stormy hurricane,
The comfort of rain!
The beauty of rain!
It pauses the world for once,
The silence, oh the silence!
I always wonder,
Why people are afraid,
Hide even when rain comes.
Isn’t it just a drop of water?
Believe me, I’m glad they did.
But I can’t help it
I keep wondering!
Oh how I love rain!
Nature crying out!
Pouring every drop from the windows of the sky,
Relieving the upset clouds-
And soaking the dry ground.
That’s why, I can always relate-
Nature should let it out too,
Clouds should let go too, perhaps.
And sometimes that’s what we need!
Cry it out brave heart!
Cry your soul out!
Can’t promise the pain will fade,
I just hope – only wish,
It will unload some of your deep ache-
The pain you can’t even put in words!
P.S.- To all those who are crying their heart out! Remember, you’re crying doesn’t mean you’re weak. Sometimes you should just let it out😊
It has been said, knowledge is power.
Power to open the gates.
Albeit, it’s the edge of the abyss.
The more you know-
Specially about yourself,
The more disgusted you become.
Layers become thin,
And dark thoughts reign.
That’s when it becomes clear,
Apparently, ignorance is bliss!
My world is a wreck now-
Happiness has become a mirage.
The mountains I used to hike,
Are now full of darkness.
And at the top, misery flows.
The beach I once dreamt,
Is full of regrets,
Enough for me to drown.
I don’t know how to shut it off .
It all led to depression foothills.
Filled with hatred and envy.
All is lost now.
The world of my dreams is broken.
Can’t even remember what it looked like then,
And now it’s all broken!
If today was my last day on earth,
I wouldn’t change a thing about it.
‘cause today or tomorrow,
Yesterday or the day after tomorrow,
It’s all the same.
How could I regret a single day only?
When all the days are full of regrets.
I regret every decision I’ve made.
I regret every single day I tried to fi t in,
I regret the changes I made to myself-
Just to be accepted by the world.
The world didn’t deserve any of it.
No one deserved it.
So, no regrets for the last day.
Nothing special, just ordinary.
Just like the other days,
That should make it easy,
That would take the pressure,
Any day could be the last day!
Have you ever felt like talking your heart out?
Saying every word inside your head?
Shouting out all your thoughts?
Pouring every venom out of your blood?
If that was only easy?!
But then, reality hits different!
If you mimic your dark thoughts outloud,
If you pour your heart out,
If you get to the bottom of your pain,
What then?
It takes every bone inside you-
Just to say it outloud,
To be vulnerable,
To say that you’re weak.
But again, what then?
People often wonder-
Why you bottle up,
Why you don’t give it a try?
They even assume,
That you don’t trust them?!
But here’s my question-
Are you sure you want to be part of my worst days?
To be part of my darkest memories?
To impart my abstract, yet terrible thoughts?
Are you sure you want to see the broken pieces of my heart?
You’re not planning to use it as a sword, do you?
Or a stone to crush the remnants of my brokenness?
Can you promise not to stab me with the one thing I buried deep?
Would you please not use my thoughts against me?
Or should I just choose to be courageous?
For once, should I let go off my bottle-
And break it into pieces?
Just to let you in?
To have you around,
And inside?
This is my sophie’s choice.
I don’t know which to choose,
Or let go.
I just hope, or wish-
I would be courageous.
And this time, I hope it’s not wrong!
#Footnote: This is dedicated to all the people who struggle to choose vulnerability or bottling up every single day of their lives. I hope you would choose vulnerability [courage] today! And I wish you would find the rarest people to let you be who you really are!
Some days are blessed,
Full of bliss.
Full of hopes and energies.
Those days are short,
Time runs fast-way too fast.
Earth ran along the axis,
And it will be over before you know it.
Then, river of misery follows
It brings confusion and exhaustion to the shores.
The destination being the abyss,
The town of uncertainty, fear and pain-
And of course numbness.
All at once- tie your hands,
Shackle your legs,
Trapping your feet.
No escape,
No other destinations.
Just wait for the river of bliss,
To push you back to the valley of happiness!
Lately, that has become my forte.
My speciality, even.
When someone asks me what I’ve been doing,
Or what I’m doing right now,
Here’s my answer;
Nothing, literally nothing.
They say, light wins darkness,
It beats every odds and reigns.
If light is unbeatable,
Why is my darkness thriving?
Why is my dark thought winning?
Am I not starving it enough?
Am I not blocking it so well?
Am I giving it a chance to win me over?
Or is it just happening to me?
My unconscious world!
My dark, scary unconscious world!
You’re winning me so hard,
I don’t even know how to get the hold of you anymore!
The more I’m becoming aware-
Aware of what was buried inside,
The more I’m getting weaker.
I’m begging you to stop,
To stop coming to my conscious world.
Don’t let me know how you’re,
Don’t invite me as your guest.
Just let me be!
Let me search the spark of light.
Can you let me go-
May be for a while?
I promise I’ll get back-
Just not now!
I need a hug!
The warmth sense of belonging-
In someone else’s arms.
Listening to their heartbeats,
Feeling the strokes of their fingers on my back.
May be for few minutes,
Or it could be hours,
I just need a warmth of companion!
But sadly, these days-
The only hug I’m getting is,
The warmth of my sadness,
The embrace of my tears,
The wrath of my melancholy,
And the blueness of my soul!
But I need a warm, real hug.
A hug that won’t be a source of ache,
Rather a healing patch to my stinging soul!
“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are”
Anais Nin
Life is full of bright colors when you have sensitivity towards something. Unless you have that one thing in your life, the reality of this world would be very disappointing. Most of the times we prefer not to see the world as it really is. We prefer to see the world which is fictional and very unrealistic. Because reality
always hits different.
But sadly, currently the world is becoming desensitized towards the very important things we should never be desensitized for. More than the true important issues of the world that we all should talk about, we are talking about the silliest things. See the videos that goes viral every single day, for instance. Either it’s some unimportant, funny video or a celebrity performing something normal. But do we really watch videos that are actually sad and realistic? Of course we might. But not as the same rate as those.
Because of this, the world has become a very desensitized place to live. Where people don’t actually care about the real issues of our time. Even when we care about the issues that we should give high credit for, it’s just for few days. That’s really sad. Let’s stop living the ideal 1% life of social media and get real. Because the true face of the world is actually sad. People are struggling in every path. Let’s take time and watch each other’s back!
Sometimes, lying is better than telling half truth. Of course, lying is a bad habit. There’s no argument there. The follow up pain and sense of betrayal, after being lied to, is unbearable. It’s always a threat. No compromise!
But sometimes you are forced to tell the half truth. Because you know the consequence of a complete honesty. So you’re honest. But not completely. That actually is hurtful. Because at some point, you would be forced to tell the rest of the story. By then, the anger and pain you cause is equivalent to lying. May be more painful.
So, sometimes I choose a complete lie than half truth. Because you can try to learn to trust the person after being lied. I can’t say for sure, but people could change. When it comes to telling a half truth though, it’s hard to trust the person after that incident. How can you be sure if there’s something left or if that’s the whole truth? You can only wonder!
Everyone acts in one’s own interest, French speakers would say “everyone sees the sun at his door.” Objectivity versus subjectivity is a false debate. The solution is in the great art of thinking with somebody else’s head, that is intersubjectivity, where is the only sole sun.
# Foot note;
Intersubjectivity is my new favorite. And I believe it solves many conundrums we have about a lot of things!
How is my day?I don’t know how my day is. But this I know;
My one and only numbness has built a forte on my body. I don’t know for sure if that’s my fault or not. Did I let it in? Or did it just “come upon” me? All my rage and sadness are outside the forte. Happiness isn’t even close to my area. My neighbors though, frustration and loneliness are great couple. I love watching them from my home. There is fear right infront of me. He is too afraid to be seen. How ironic?! Apparently, this is my neighborhood.
So you tell me! How is my day? I honestly don’t know. And I don’t think I want to know. Because I don’t think I would be able to handle how it really is.
Unabridged Manuscripts 