July 6, 2021Jimma University, Jimma Dear nouveaupetiteOf the many times I sat to empty my soul and think clearly, the days I ended up with even more perplexities abound. The meaninglessness of life is where I often begin thinking over, and then a trail of thoughts unfold. I think about what is deeply wrong with […]
Letters To My Dearest Friend
What can I know of myself as long as I do not know that the self I do know is largely a synthetic product; that most people—including myself—lie without knowing it, that “defense” means “war” and “duty” submission; that “virtue” means “obedience” and “sin” disobedience; that the idea that parents instinctively love their children is a myth; that fame is only rarely based on admirable human qualities, and even not too often on real achievements; that history is a distorted record because it is written by the victors; that over modesty is not necessarily the proof of a lack of vanity; that loving is the opposite of craving and greed; that everyone tries to rationalize evil intentions and actions and to make them appear noble and beneficial ones; that the pursuit of power means the persecution of truth, justice and love; that present-day industrial society is centered around the principle of selfishness, having and consuming, and not on principles of love and respect for life, as it preaches. Unless I am able to analyze the unconscious aspects of the society in which I live, I cannot know who I am, because I don’t know which part of me is not me.
— Erich Fromm, The Art Of Being
The Void
They say, the world is full-
Full of beauty, pleasantries,
Full of second chances, options and choices.
Not just the world actually.
The universe too.
It is magnificent.
It’s full of galaxies, stars, comets-
Meteors, planets, moons and all.
Not only that, actually.
The world is full of pain,
Agony is right outside of us.
It varies from people to people,
But it’s there.
But, what I feel is this.
Empty!
Blank, null, void.
Absolutely nothing!
If the world is full,
Why isn’t it offering something?
Why do I not feel a thing?
It’s like nothing is left inside of me.
Who/what drained me out?
Who sucked the meaning of light out of me?
And here’s what I wonder about-
Can you fill the void?
Can it be filled again?
Don’t be foolish!
Just because it’s empty-
It doesn’t mean you can pour anything into it.
I’m just wondering!
Here’s to all of us who feel void inside of us🥂
Oh My Despair!
Why do you keep following me?
Why can’t you give me a break?
Can you just stop speaking-
Stomping and squeaking on my heart?
Would you stop whispering?
To the depth of my soul?
Are you planning to spare me for a repair?
I bet it is your desire,
To bury me alive.
Are you my shadow?
Is that why you keep following me?
And for some reason, it feels that way.
I can’t touch you,
Or hear you.
But I can see you-
Behind my back ,
Waiting for devouring my whole self!
Here’s the weird thing though-
For you to be a shadow,
Light is supposed to be there, right?
Ofcourse, not a full bright light,
May be a spark of light, perhaps.
Is that the case?
Oh my Despair!
Can you just talk?
A word can do.
Can you tell me what you’re?
Or who you’re?
Can you do me a favor?
Stop haunting me like a ghost,
And reveal yourself to me.
I honestly don’t know what I would do, then.
But you know- curiosity.
Whoever/whatever you’re,
Can I know where you are?
Oh my Despair!!
And, do you mind?
Just leave me alone!
Atleast for a while.
I’m not asking,
I’m rather begging!
Just give me a break,
A day perhaps!
Dedicated to all of us who are in despair!!
Are You Okay, Today?
Are you okay, today?
Have you been okay in a long while?
Nah, don’t tell me that!
I’m not asking about-
Yesterday or last week or month.
I’m asking you about today,
Are you okay?
It’s always easy-
Simple to talk about what you’ve gone through before
It feels nice to say I struggled,
Rather than I’m struggling.
It’s easy to feed our ego-
That we ain’t losers.
Rather we are fighters.
But, here’s my question-
Are you okay?
Are you good now?
What are the fights you’re losin’?
What are the battlefields you’re failing at?
What are the things-
That are draining you out?
Sucking every piece of life out of you?
What’s that one thing-
That encircles your mind?
Attacking your thought system?
Aching your heart?
If you’re wonderin’
Why I’m asking all these,
It’s all because I want you to know,
Here I’m-
Fighting to take the next breath,
Questioning my entire existence.
And here’s my honest answer-
For my own question.
I am so not okay!
It’s been a long while since I was okay.
And I’m not okay today either.
I know it takes everything inside of you-
To declare that outloud,
To say that you’re weak,
To admit that you’re losin’
But just know that you’re not alone!
I bet so many people are not,
I think they mastered the art of pretending, perhaps!
It’s easy to talk about old days, right?
About your past?
How you were strong back then?
But, let me break it to you-
It’s already in the past.
Today is a new day,
New challenge, new struggle!
And today matters!
All the feelings you’re feeling ,
Right now, at this moment,
They matter!
You don’t need validation from others!
It’s your thought,
It’s your feeling.
That’s all that matters.
And I hope you get the courage,
To say that you’re not okay!
Outloud, at least to someone.
And remember,
It’s okay not to be okay.
It’s fine to feel weak.
It’s fine to lose all the optimism.
It’s okay to fight.
It’s okay to struggle.
Try to hang in there!
The Conundrum of Living vs Existing!
Billions of people ‘live’ in this world. You’re probably wondering what I meant by that. Here’s my thought:
I believe what most of us are doing is existing. Since we haven’t stopped breathing, we are just striving to finish the day. We don’t know where we are heading. We don’t have the map of the adventurous life we could live. All we know is that we are here, breathing[existing]. Period!
But I think living is so much different than that. Ofcourse, existing is part of living. But the concept of living is much more profound. When you actually start living, you’ll start to pause for authenticity. You take time to notice the world around you. Mind you, it doesn’t mean you’ve figured it all out. It just means you know you are amidst adventure. It means you’re trying to make every moment count.
Although, you should know living is not easy. That’s why most people prefer or unconsciously choose to exist. That way, you don’t have to deal with every little detail of this world. It’s easy to blend in with the rest of the world. It’s always easy to mimic the voice of others rather than coming up with your own idea. I think this is what Oscar Wilde meant by this;”To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that’s all.”
Living means having the audacity to be original in this world. It’s all about keeping your veracious self in this fake and materialistic world.
So today, let’s take a moment and choose living more than existing. Because that’s what a braveheart does!!
My Misery
It has been said,
Misery loves company!
But here’s the thing-
My misery loves seclusion!
Until I feel like myself-
Or lock my misery in a box,
Act like normal again,
I will enjoy my lonesomeness!
My misery hates inclusion.
It hates to let people in.
So if I’m trying to avoid you-
Or hide from you-
It’s nothing personal.
It’s not you!
It’s just me wallowing in my misery,
Drowning in my sorrow,
Enjoying my hot tears down my cheeks.
So please be patient!
Don’t leave, just wait.
I will be back,
When I feel like myself again!
Until I find a way to give you a seat in my misery,
Just bear with me.
But for now,
It’s me and my misery-
My misery and me!!
P.S. It’s okay to disappear until you feel like you again!
What is the Worst Feeling You’ve Ever Had?
‘What is the worst feeling you’ve ever had?’my friend asked. I took a pause. I thought about it for a little while, of course. Let’s face it, our worst feelings are innumerable. And ofcourse, it’s hard to choose one.
‘Off the top of my head missing the people you’re actually mad at!” I said.
I think that’s appropriate, for now perhaps. Those people who hurt you the most are the ones who were closest to you once! And despite what they did to make you mad, you can’t just undo all the things you have passed through together. You obviously can’t forget them. Your spots, activities, things that used to be ‘yours only’ and even the silliest things will be a constant reminder.
That’s just painful. The sad part though, you can’t just cut them off! May be you can avoid them or keep your distance physically. But I don’t think it’s possible to get rid of them from your heart and mind. Absolutely not.
So yeah, that’s the worst feeling ever. You want to let them go, but you actually can’t. You want them to be erased from your memory, but that’s not possible either. All you can do is trying to cherish all those amazing moments you had with them!
And I saw in her[my friend’s] eyes, the same agony. And we just sat there wondering in our world. I think that’s the worst for most of us!
The Great Abyss
I’m on the floor of dark ocean!
The darkest and the lowest.
The great abyss!
I don’t know if there’s more-
More to the darkness,
More to the drownin’
More to the pain.
I don’t even know how I got here.
I’m not a swimmer-
But here I am in the deepest water.
Did I throw myself?
Did the ocean devour me?
But I know nature loves me-
Is that why he took me away?
It doesn’t matter though, does it?
The reality is I’m already here!
Not there!
What’s next then?
Do I swim?
Wait, should I learn to swim in here?
Or should I just sit?
It hasn’t killed me yet,
So should I give it a moment?
To take away my breath?
Should I rather try to find light?
But how?
Everything is dark.
Nothing is there!
Emptiness is the ruler!
You’re probably wonderin’
It must be quiter then,
Believe me it’s not!
I can hear the void screaming-
Shouting out loud!
How am I supposed to search for light when the darkness is hovering?
Can I avoid the abyss from absorbing me?
Can I really do that?
I wish for a hand to appear?!
Or someone to throw me a flashlight-
May be an anchor,
For me to hold on-
Something to grab on.
But, not later- sooner,
Sooner would be better.
May be, just may be-
The fragment of me could become survivor!
P.S. my fellow friends who are in the great abyss, try to hang in there!! Best of luck✌
The Great Mistake of Someone!
Someone made a mistake-
Not one-but some two
Some two failed to be right,
Their failure brought a fruit
Then-all the people say
The fruit is a mistake!
The Bastard! – by Sophie Rhaey🇰🇪
THE BASTARD! All I have are bitter memories Memories of a broken home with endless struggles Struggles of a mother swallowing blows from her husband A husband that we were cursed to call a father! T’was four when he returned home drunk Drunk in rage and pregnant with anger The anger scattered our hell of […]
The Bastard! – by Sophie Rhaey🇰🇪
When I Write…
When I write,
I just write!
I’m just letting out my feelings-
My tormenting, bitter emotions.
Can a writing actually suck them out?
Just because you lay it out on words,
Or you find the words to say what’s in your mind,
Would it make it less painful?
Would it make it less gruesome?
I don’t know- I really don’t!
But when I write-
I write my heart out.
May be the world would listen my ink,
Unlike gaslighting my thoughts.
May be my words have chance.
A chance to be heard-
A place to act out!
So when I write,
I just write!
Not for social convention-
Or validation,
Or moral values either.
All I know is-
My words are authentic!
Genuine and original.
So when I write-
I just write!!
The Identity Quest
I am on a quest-
Identity quest, of course!
Who am I?
Where did I come from?
Do I belong somewhere?
Not just in mother earth?
Even in the whole universe?
But then, when I come to think of it?
Do I really wanna know?
Would I like the answer?
Would I found my place?
What if I don’t?
What if I become lonely forever?
What if I don’t belong anywhere?
Would I find someone who loves the ‘me’ beneath the surface?
What if any of the planets-
Or the sun, even the moon doesn’t want me?
Am I up for rejection?
All I know is this-
Just for the sake of curiosity-
I would like to finish the quest!
On second thought though,
May be all I need is an island-
Where my solitude would be my companion,
The deep blue ocean my forte,
Where the meadow is my bed!
Where the flowers are my babies,
And the tall trees, my haven!
If that’s the end of the quest-
The search for a place where I call home,
Then I am on the quest-
My own identity quest!!
P.S. For all the people out there, who don’t feel like they have home✌
How much more…?
How much more breaking do I have to do until my heart numbs itself? I am sick of this routine- my chest sewing itself just to be ripped apart once more. I wish I can leave it be an open wound for the flies. But, the pain of open wound is unbearable. So, I’ll try to stitch it with whatever I got inside of me. Because leaving your wound open won’t heal itself anyway.
Even after sewing the torn pieces of your heart, it will always remain to be a soft spot. A sore spot which cannot handle another tiny blow even. How much more do you think you can handle? How much more can you actually endure and act bravely?
How many more wounds are there until there’s no healing scar left to tear? I am sick of this routine. Tonight, I wish my heart would just tear itself into a handful of be numbed pieces. And tomorrow would stare at me- an aftermath of a storm. A heaving curiosity. A girl, lying in pieces and with no heart left to break.
That way, I won’t have to gather up the torn pieces once again. I am not supposed to sew it all over again. No more sore spot. Nothing more!
Unabridged Manuscripts 