‘‘Order in Chaos!!’, they say. What does that even mean? The oxymoron!’ she sighed visibly. The October cold shan’t hide any whisks of sighs these days. Or she’e full of a cold wisp that stifles the cold droplets a little better. It is true all she feels is coldness that cannot lift off both metaphorically and physically. At any time of the day, she finds herself shivering with innate coldness of existence. She was blaming it on the winter for couple of months. But now that it is summer, she cannot really hide beneath the cold season for whatsoever reason.
All of a sudden, she feels conscious of her surrounding. She reminded herself her name, her profession, the date and the time. Her lucid moments happen once every 2 or 3 hours. For the other part of the day, she is wildly awake with no feeling. It, perhaps, sound like a feeling of bliss. But, believe it or not, numbness is not a feeling you desire to be blessed with. It gives an extra layer of trouble even for mere existence. Specially when mere existence is almost equivalent to dying perpetually.
She paused again to look around herself. She is sitting on the cold floor with no lights or stimuli that would add more to her headache. ‘Am I to assume this is going to get any better?’ She wrote another sentence down. Her sense of existence keeps moving far far away these days as she’s experiencing her madness in the maddening situations for anyone normal let alone a crazy sick person as herself. She was never the one to give in to the exterior shades of life. But these days, it’s rather difficult to subside her own turmoils before settling down the external tremors & tornados. She looked around again only to realize even dark is not truly or fully dark. Her room seems to find spectacles of light rays from somewhere. She’s rather untethered as it’s grounding her to some sort of reality.
Again, she flew within The October Catharsis. ‘If there was a word to define life itself, it would be chaos. And many attempt and fail to create order within it. Isn’t it more adventurous to travel through the chaos rather than maintain it?!’ She paused again. ‘The only fight I need is to battle through the numbness I am entirely succumb in.’ She said this out loud not with her ink. She recluse into her notebook before she attracts another being from the living room. Oh she despises the look of pity and resentment in moments like this. ‘‘It’s better to burn than to disappear.’ Said Albert Camus. Perhaps, he was right all along. It’s definitely better to burn through whatever life throws at you than being buried under the weight of numbness and left for despair that doesn’t life off no matter how you try. After all, what is life if not feeling the gush of emotions once in a while.’ She again wake herself into reality for that sounded immature.
‘It’s, now, the madness era. Officially. I should build my forte behind my words if I have any chance of surviving it, perhaps I have a better chance with my words than drowning all the people around me, ‘she wrote this as an outro. She signed the piece with pain, tear, and a shade of invisible blood as she wrote it like an ode for her mere existence.
The Madness Shall go on…
Unabridged Manuscripts 
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