A Date with an Idiot

“Can we have an early dinner?” She read the text and laughed hysterically to herself. A simple coffee invitation has now become a dinner request. The forms of social structures always baffle her. It is not that she is anti-social, but it is the weird conundrum of understanding the unwritten rules of societal signals. While the sudden dinner request rummages through her head, she reminded herself that she is an idiot in this kind of situation. And she replied, a nonchalant ‘alright.’

She considered calling her girlfriend. But she didn’t know what she would ask or say. Undecided whether to ask or talk about it, she fell back into her tasks. Another text arrived saying ‘Where?’. She nudged her shoulders and replied, ‘Your choice.’ Being the “gentleman” he is, he suggested a place at his convenience. Though she hates the place he suggested, she conceded to her fate since she has no alternate preference. Again, she felt like an idiot.

After a few minutes, she left the office. And she could not help but wonder what on earth she would talk about. Her smile is a charm, and her laughter hides her hypocrisy well. Along with being an idiot, she reminded herself she is a typical hypocrite. Then, she laughed at her remark thinking this is probably an overly negative self-perception. But does it matter? She left the question stale and continued to focus on her steps.

As the smooth jazz ran through her AirPods, she felt a sudden serene despite the crowd of the city. And she thought to herself how much she would hate it if this is a date. The relentless interrogation, the awkward small talk, the weird side glance of the strangers, and not to forget the terror of being herself exhausted her before it even began. But then again, who cares? How weird could it get?!

She was interrupted by this train of thought by a phone call. “I am almost there,” she replied trying to sound normal as much as possible. He couldn’t wait for her at the venue alone. He wanted to be there simultaneously with her. ‘ugh, how clingy are you?!’ She thought to herself. She hugged him awkwardly with a painted smile as she got to where he was standing. ‘Perhaps, there is a chance. A chance I would have a smart or real conversation. Huh?! Real positivity!’ She gave herself a pat for being hopeful.

She indeed loves a real conversation. Or a thoughtful talk. Well-versed opinions and if possible academically inclined topics. But the chance of people who want to indulge in a good chat, let alone an hour-long conversation has become a mighty coincidence. In any case, she ruffled her sarcastic notes to keep becoming the normal idiot person she is.

Starting from the moment they met, he is incessantly talking. She is trying to keep up with the talk with a simple ‘hmm’ and agreeing nods. He doesn’t seem to care whether she listens or not. He is telling her about an awkward semantics he has heard in the afternoon. He seems to be annoyed awfully a lot with the minor inconvenience. Or he is using hyperbole to add relevance to what he was saying. She just kept laughing and nodding throughout the way. 

While they are sitting, he is telling her how he orders his meal, his eating habit…oh, she is drowning. ‘How am I gonna keep up with this?’ She silently whimpered. 

“So, what do you want to eat?” he glanced in her direction. 

“Anything that might interest you. I am not much of a food person.” She was a bit loud. Or the place was quiet. Or she is nervous. Who can tell at this point?

After the waiter took their order and left, “We are watching Fast X this weekend!” said he, decided and bold.

“Oh good, the art of flying cars!” said she rolling her eyes. She immediately resented her reply thinking that means she would have to talk about her movie preferences. And she did, both, regretted and talked about her bewildering choices. He cut her off quickly with how he relates the characters with his friends or the people he knows. ‘Such a good listener,’ she rolled her inner eyes to herself.

Then, sets in the awkward silence. She doesn’t seem to salvage the sudden death of the conversation. She couldn’t think of a single common thing to both of them. They are not on different pages. They were just in different books. She felt, while all the other people are in a normal-paced time continuum, the time has slowed only for them. In a very bad way, though.

A moment later (maybe seconds), he started confessing about his job. Then and now. She suddenly knew he was trying to impress her with whatever achievement he could scrap on. Maybe he was successful, but she did not get why that should concern her. Perhaps, this is because of the common idiosyncrasy she doesn’t get. Who can say?!

“Do you like walks?” he inquired. She nodded yes and before opening her mouth he was planning the walks they could take together. And she grinned slightly. For a moment, she felt like a doll sitting there picture-perfect. She is just clamoring over his random comments and insights. ‘Ugh, I hate myself,’ she said to herself.

He is, now, talking about his travels. The strange strangers he has encountered. Normally, she would find this interesting or funny. But, somehow, this doesn’t feel as such. She kept playing the rhythms of her head with her fingers. She is struggling to pay attention. ‘Why do people find these experiences interesting?’ asked her inner voice. ‘whatever this is,’ it smirked. 

The tedious conversation went on and on for about an hour or so. She, at some point, remarked that talking incessantly is entirely unimportant. He seemed to agree with her, yet continued to feel the silence with his unending chatter. The more they stayed together, the more the conversation went stale. And the more he was trying to tell her he understood what she was saying better than her, the more appalled she was by his strong assumption. She twitched her face once or twice with the strange conclusions. But she conceded to keep herself rather quiet. And she was convinced this was not a date, at least not for her. 

While saying their farewell, she decided this would be the last time they hang out. ‘It is about to end,’ she sighed deeply. But then, to her surprise, he said he had the most fun. She stared at him confused and said, “Really?”. He gave her an assured yes. She remarked the sarcastic, “Oh great. I am glad,” and went into the crowd. And she thought, ‘Maybe I was not the idiot. He was. And is an idiot. Maybe this was a date with an idiot!’