If I Stay…

If you were given a chance-
To choose between life and death,
To stay awake or to sleep forever,
Which one would you choose?

I want to say life,
But, then- if I stay

If I stay,
If I choose to breath,
More than I want death,
I think I would be foolish.
Better yet, the queen of the foolish!

If I stay,
If I choose to breath,
More than I want death,
What am I gonna do with my hatred?
The venom inside my body,
The bitter scoop of my inside,
How am I gonna live with that?
Am I gonna spill my gut out?
To pour out my venom?
Am I gonna suck the air out of my lung?
Just to stop the bitter taste in my mouth?
How is it better, then?
To choose life than death.

If I stay,
If I choose to breath,
More than I want death,
What am I gonna do with my fierce rage?
The rising anger inside my body,
How am I gonna draw a single breath?
And feed the fire of violence inside?
So then it will grow and burn me out,
Is this really choosing life?
Or a slow, tormenting death?

If I stay,
If I choose to breath,
More than I want death,
How am I gonna live?

If I stay, my pain won’t vanish,
If I stay, my own venom will kill me,
If I stay, I will die not sooner, but later.
And by then- it will be long, agonizing death.

If both life and death-
Are self inflicted,
Then, I choose death.
If staying awake was an option,
Then I choose not be awake ever again.
If death is inevitable more than life-
Then, of course I choose the inevitable!

If I stay is delicate,
Intricate, even.
It is solely dependent on-
The premise of hope,
And things get better,
May be not now,
But sooner or later.
Everyone, who chooses to stay-
Is saying that tomorrow is better,
And colorful, hopeful even brighter.
What if it’s not?
What if tomorrow is worse?
Worse than now,
Even weirder and harder?
Are you smart then?

What if I choose not to stay?
Why is it wrong at so many levels?
Why does everyone keep telling me-
That people have been in worse situation than me?
I didn’t ask if there was something worse than my life?
For starters, I didn’t even ask if there was better?
I only said, I don’t want to stay.
If choosing death means losing,
Then, I proudly choose to lose.
I choose not to give my venom a chance.
I choose to subside my violence.
I choose to let go-
Of things that are holding me back from life.
I choose death,
Not once, but multiple times.

Who knows if death is an end of an era?
No one!
But I’m hopeful on this,
Or may be I choose the illusion,
The illusion that death ends pain.
Of all the things to believe,
I choose to believe this!